Rainbow Painter Blog

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

1. If time doesn’t wait for you, don’t worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and
Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat you fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz
u r a vegetarian.

Think about it.

3. Beauty isn’t measured by outer appearance &
what clothes we wear, but what we’re inside.

So, try going out naked tomorrow & see the admiration!

4. Don’t walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don’t care who rules the world!

This is called attitude… keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter’ll marry a better man than she did & is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank, had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said:

“He who never lived, cannot die!”

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of crocodiles?
He’s now being harrassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on the train tracks.

but we choose Marriage, slow sure!

9. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

10. Laziness is our biggest enemy.
We should learn to love our enemies!

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; “If you don’t use it, you will lose it” also applies to the brain, so…

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still “with it.” The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you have made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and… begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: “bread.” If you said “toast,” then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, “bread,” go to Question 2.

2. Say “silk” five time! s. Now spell “silk.” What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk,” please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children’s World. If you said “water” then proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks,” what are you still doing here reading these questions??? ?? If you said “glass,” then! go on to question 4.

4. It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”?

Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury & the survivors”, then proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the age of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember your own age? It was YOU!!

Before Marriage….

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don’t even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

*She: Darling!

After marriage…. simply read from bottom to top!*